Unexpectedly, They Learn to Strive for More
by Vindex101
Summary: A scene within a certain clubroom, with the light from the sunset streaming in from the windows, one lays bare what they have wanted all along. A lookback to that faithful scene, taken from another's point-of-view.
Have you ever seen a boy — a man, even — cry while doing his best to keep his composure? The way he grits his teeth while trying to control his ragged breathing, trying (and failing) to hold back the tears from flowing. To witness the act itself is heartbreaking. That's what I was looking at right now.

"I..."

He sat there facing us, his voice raspy and low with that single word. His eyes darting to look anywhere but our own, trying to reign in the wetness that had started to overflow. His face was all scrunched up, his struggle to let out the words he wants to say out loud apparent. All this I took in with I would think was an astounded look on my face. To anyone else that might have seen us then, the disparity of our looks would have confused them, I think.

"Even so..."

He's finally doing it. All these months I've spent around him — no, even before then — it was obvious how he would seclude himself from the rest. It was only once I've gotten this close to him, after we've spent so much time together in this club, it was only then that I realized that to him, this was his service to the world. To isolate himself was for the best, he'd say. It was better to not bother anyone with his own selfish whims. That he amounted to nothing, hence why he kept on sacrificing himself, his own standing, just to get the job done. Because really, when you sacrifice nothing, then nothing is lost, right? But now...

"Even so, I..."

The past month has been terrible for us. And he blames himself for it, tries to keep the status quo afloat. True, he hadn't known what it was that she truly wished. I didn't, that's for sure. I'm as much to blame in this as he is. But he doesn't see that. And so he's kept it all to himself, kept all the burden on his shoulder. Again. It was bound to come out, that secret agenda of his that he tried to keep behind our backs. I knew. She knew. We both knew, but what could we do about it? The structure of this place, our place, was already just a shadow of what it once was. And heaven knows how much I've been trying to make amends, to bring us back together again, just like before. Maybe that was my mistake; thinking that we could bring back the past.

But now? Now he's here, in front of us, trying his best even after his request had already been denied. Trying to speak the words stuck in his throat, the ones I knew would finally, FINALLY be about him.

Yes, he would finally act for his own for once. I realized that, sitting here, looking in awe at his efforts. All this time he had acted for someone else other than him, had put them first in place of his own wellbeing. But here he was, about to do the very thing he hates. About to denounce what he has for so long believed in, that to be a burden to others was pure selfishness. Here he was, right now, about to say the first selfish thing he would want from us.

"... I want..."

Was selfishness that bad? To want something for yourself, to ignore other circumstances just so you could have your way, to toss aside everything else just to attain something; was it truly that bad? What if what you wanted was a safe place to call home? To belong? Was to express that want bad, evil even? He had to realize that it was okay for him to be selfish with these things, with things that are important, with things that really count. That it was okay to want it for yourself, that place to belong to. He would admit that he was wrong all this time (which is a real big deal for him), swallow his pride, and ask something from us out of pure selfishness. He had to, HAD TO realize that it was okay, that we wouldn't hate him for it. I know I wouldn't.

It was true that words could only express so much, that it was wishful thinking for humans like us to truly understand one another to the fullest. But even so, that doesn't mean that those things left unable to be said would just be left unexpressed. That's what he was trying to grasp, that thing that didn't need words or fancy actions for it to come across. That thing that he may have been craving this whole time, that which was deprived from him from the start.

"... I want something genuine."

He's finally asked something for himself. He's finally accepted that to want was human, that even though we would hurt ourselves and the others around us just by being selfish, it was worth it if it was for the right cause, for the right people. Yes, it was okay to be selfish. Selfishness itself wasn't the sin, just the tool to express it. After all this time, he had finally allowed himself to open up his desires to us, to let us in.

Ahhh, I really like this guy after all.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

 **Just my take on that oh so heartbreaking scene taking from someone else's perspective. I actually thought of this one while on a bus rereading that scene. It was so epic that it inspired me to write something like this. And so, there ya go, my first non-Toaru fanfic.**

 **For those who were following me because they favorited me from my other story, yeaaaah, I've gone out of hiding and am currently working on an update. Proper apologies for that other fanfic will come once I've finished and published it, so spare me please!**

 **This has been a treat to write, though I'm afraid it comes across as shallow or incomplete. I'm afraid that what idea I hatched back then at that bus ride may have been lost somewhere, and if you think so too, well, why don't you say so in the reviews? Reviews are appreciated, be they good or bad, as you're helping me better myself, and make it less cringe-worthy to my future readers. Come on, don't be afraid, lay it on me! I'm not an M, I swear!**

 **And so, with this last line, I hope that you were at least entertained by this piece. And with that, I bid you adieu. Until the next time you happen upon my words again**

 **~Vindex101**


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